Challenges I Encountered After My Second Baby
Ok, let’s agree that being a mom of one is pretty hard enough. Throw in a newborn to the mix and the situation can get out of hand really fast. Second time mommies need as much care and support as first time moms if not more.
As I write this post, my son has turned 5 and my daughter is just over a year but the first few weeks after being home were really strenuous and this is a glimpse of what I encountered and how I dealt with those challenges.
Fear and anxiety of how I would cope
I think more than anything, even before my daughter was born, I would visualize my day to day life and just wonder how she would fit into our lives. Not that she was not loved or we were not overjoyed that our family was growing but my hands were already full and I was really stressed about how I was going to cope. I learnt really fast that I do not have to meet society’s expectations of me and accepting help from family and seeking advice and care from my doctor when I felt I was not coping was nothing to be ashamed of and neither was it a measure of how good a mother I was.
At times moms can feel as if they have to be super human but there’s definitely a limit to what we can do. If you feel you are not coping, do seek the help you need .
The not so welcoming sibling
I took time to explain to my son throughout the pregnancy that we would be a welcoming his sister soon. These chats were lot about how much fun they would have but I must say I was not ready for how things would unfold when the big day finally arrived. My son expressed a lot of dislike towards the baby and the tantrums are just a story for another day. It was really frustrating to deal with but reassuring my boy and making time to do activities he liked did help to get us through that phase. My mom said something that I felt was so profound. She explained to me how, as much as my newborn needed my care and affection, my son was more aware of the increased amount of time and attention that I was dedicated to my daughter as compared to him. As a result, anytime that someone could help me with the baby, I would take time to give him my undivided attention and a lot of hugs and kisses…
Physical and emotional exhaustion
As is common the first weeks after baby was born, I was having very little sleep. Sleep when baby sleeps is a statement that’s thrown around a lot but the truth is ,it’s not as straight forward as it sounds. There came a day where I felt the emotional and physical overwhelm was just too hard to deal with. In times like this, a mom is often made to feel that all this is normal and she should just toughen up and go through it. I decided to make an appointment with my doctor and post visit I felt a lot better and was able to take better care of my babies.
Motherhood is a unique journey for each of us but as mommies we should allow ourselves to grow through it and understand that some days things might not go as anticipated but thing will definitely get better.
Love, Muhluri
Photo from Unsplash.com.
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the one thing I forgot when I had my second child was that, my daughter was still a baby too. I think most of us that have babies just months apart tend to forget that it’s not the older child’s responsibility to just grow up overnight. This is one thing I struggled a lot with. I stopped treating my daughter like the 1 year old she was. Which pushed me into a state I didn’t like. But I was able get the help I needed for the sake of my children.. the transition of welcoming our third was so smooth. One other thing as moms we need to master, is to be kinder to ourselves, forgive ourselves from the mini meltdowns. We are only human, who were trusted with the lives of our babies, every moment counts, so we shoild make the most of it!
Thank you for sharing your story Franny.The challenges we face can only help us grow and be better moms indeed!