Working Mom Guilt And How To Deal With It

Working Mom Guilt And How To Deal With It

It goes without saying that every mom would love to be present with  her kids every single day but it’s just not possible. I have shared on ‘two things I wish I knew before becoming a mom’ how I got so consumed in motherhood to a point of neglecting me and this cannot be beneficial to your well-being as a mom. It is also true that spending time away from our kids does leave us to wonder how our presence could have made certain things better or how we would not have missed out on some special moments had we been there. Yes, we cannot get back the  moments spent apart  but there are things we can do to help us deal with the guilty feelings.

Be truly present with your kids

You can be in your home with your kids but not be truly present. It is  hard to switch roles , from a long exhausting day at work to getting home where your kids expect to see an energised mom to play with and make them all the snacks they suddenly want because mommy is home.  Taking a moment to sit down with your kids and listening attentively  to them without checking your phone can make a difference. You’ll be surprised by how much  you enjoy that little time of being wholly present and giving them your full attention.  As the saying goes , don’t count the moments but make the moments count.

Learn to say no

I used to be the person to say yes when what I really meant was  no. We do this because we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings but deep down inside we are miserable. A while back  I had a chat with a friend who said it straight out to me, “ don’t agree to something you are not happy with because it doesn’t do you any good”. I pondered on her words and was not  fully agreeing until I realised that I have experienced unhappiness  a number of times just because I shied away from putting me and my family first when I had to.  I believe that as mommies we must accept that we cannot be everything to everyone. It’s ok to say no to attending an event or any other meeting if you have allocated that time to spend with your kids.

Acknowledge that your needs are equally important

Apart from being a mom, you also need to be fulfilled as a human being by doing what makes you happy and gives you an opportunity to grow. If furthering your studies is important to you , go ahead, plan and make time for it because your happiness matters too. Children are a blessing in our lives and their presence should bring joy and fulfillment rather than feelings of guilt.

Choose to see what you already are to your kids

 As a working mom , you prepare you kids for school if they are of school going age, prepare their meals, nurse them to health when they are not well and  you are a shoulder to cry on.  You are a safe place where they can fully express themselves and  you strive to give them  the best of you daily.  In moments when the feelings of guilt arise, learn to take time, look at your mothering efforts and take pride in the mom you already are to your kids. It’s not easy to compliment oneself but to criticize and highlight the areas  where we are not doing so well is quite effortless. Don’t allow yourself to be the person who focuses on the negative , be it to you or other moms. Cheer yourself on and celebrate the little  victories.

Mom guilt is real but I believe it’s high  time we start taking pride in the mothers we are and are growing to be daily.

Love ,
Muhluri

Photo from Unsplash.com.